To The Xmen, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar
by Red Eyed Cajun
Summary: Logan, Scott and Remy have no choice but to trade their week off to infiltrate a Group that claims to help Mother's deal with their Mutant Children. And Hank provides the perfect disguise for them.
1. A Proposition

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

AN: I'm sorry

"No."

"Logan-"

"No."

"But we-"

"No."

Scott was very close to giving up.

"Look, what other choice do we have?" he asked.

"Call the girls." said Logan as if this was clearly the obvious answer.

"We can't, they're in Europe."

"So call them and tell them to come home."

"We can't do that. It would ruin-"

"Well just get someone else!" said Logan angrily, "This is supposed to be our week off as well."

"They're all with Rogue." said Scott running his hands through his hair.

Logan glared at him, "Why me?"

"It's not just you Logan-"

"Yeah, but why me?"

"We drew lots. You won." said Scott trying to stare him down.

"_Won?_" said Logan sarcastically, "And I don't remember drawing lots."

"Hank and I did it."

"Who else?"

"Well me-"

"_You_?" Logan said, a slight grin emerging.

"Well, as leader I decided that it would be unfair to subject the other team members to this if I wasn't prepared to do it myself. Stop laughing."

"Sorry," said Logan although clearly he wasn't, "So who else?"

"Remy."

"Really?" said Logan a serious look on his face.

"Yes."

"Have ya told him?"

"Yes."

"How did he take it?"

"He didn't say much. He just nodded and walked away. I think he might just have thought it was a prank at first."

"Poor kid's probably in shock," said Logan looking genuinely sorry for the Cajun, "this is gonna ruin his week."

"Yes, but drawing lots was the only fair way to do this." said Scott.

Logan sighed and stood up from the desk he'd be leaning on, "Well, how are we gonna do this?"

"Does this mean you'll do it?"

"Yeah. Stop smiling."

"Sorry," said Scott but the smile remained, "Hank has come up with a serum that should work. That means we don't have to worry about, unnecessary accessories."

Scott looked very uncomfortable. Logan looked scared.

"Do you mean-?"

"Yes."

"So we'll actually look-"

"Yes."

Logan looked _very_ scared.

"Just physically?" he said after a while.

"Yes." said Scott although he sounded more hopeful than sure.

"And what exactly is it we have to do?"

"Infiltrate. Re-con only. It's important to know what's actually going on in these groups."

"This isn't really a group Scott, it's a camp, a cult maybe by the sounds of things." said Logan with hint of anger coming back into his voice.

"Well whatever it is we have to check it out."

"So what do they do?"

"They help, uh, families who have mutant children."

"I thought that was our area," said Logan.

"Well if you think about it we help the children, not the, families." said Scott logically.

"So you think their brainwashing them?"

"We don't know what they're doing. For all we know they really are helping, people. We just have to be sure."

"So we may not even have to be there for a week then." Said Logan helpfully.

"Maybe." said Scott the hopefulness catching, "We better go get Remy."

"Yeah, he's gonna be absolutely crushed."

Suddenly the door burst open and in strode Remy grinning from ear to ear holding lots of clothes in his arms. None of which belonged to him.

"Hi," said Remy beaming.

"Hi," said Logan uncertainly, "Look we're sorry about all this."

"Are ya kiddin' me?" said Remy excitedly, "Dis is gonna be de best week ever!"

"You're really ok with this?" said Scott waiting for the penny to drop.

"What's not t'be ok with? It's not exactly de week I had in mind but it's still gonna be one hell of a time."

"Hell being the right word," grumbled Logan.

"So you're ok with what-…with how we're-…with the disguises?" asked Scott eventually.

Remy looked thoughtful for a minute, although he never stopped smiling, "Yeah, well, it'll be interesting. Like an experiment."

Logan and Scott looked at each other.

"I jus have one question."

"Yes?" They said together.

"D'ya t'ink Rogue would mind if I borrowed her clothes?"


	2. An Experiment

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.

Authors Note: Yes, I am mad. But thank you for joining in my madness and thank you for the reviews.

"Now. It's very simple. I just give you this injection and then in a couple of minutes you should begin to change." said Hank trying not to let a smile break out on his face.

"Will there be any side effects after this?" asked Scott, the worry escaping into his voice.

"I'm 99.9 sure that there will be no side effects."

"So there's a 0.1 chance there might?"

"…best not to think about it."

Some of the guys began to laugh.

Word had got round the rest of the males left in the mansion about what was about to take place. Needless to say they had all gathered to 'support' their fellow team mates.

"Ok," said Scott, "let's do this."

He held out his arm.

You couldn't tell behind the visor but all of them were 99.9 Scott was closing his eyes.

Hank gave him the injection.

Nothing happened.

"Well?" said Bobby, "feel any different?"

"No," said Scott lowering his arm, "I guess it didn't wor-"

He clutched his stomach in pain.

"Scott!" yelled Hank moving towards him and trying to help the man stand up, blocking the view from everyone else gathered.

"Is he ok?" asked Pitor.

"Is he a girl?" asked Bobby with less tact.

The yells slowly died out until all they could hear was a slight whimper. Then hank carefully and slowly moved away revealing the fearless leader.

He was somewhat changed.

His brown hair now fell down to just below his shoulders in a slight wave. His face took on a more oval shape and his chin was notable smoother. What was even more noticeable, although not exceedingly so, was his chest, and then his waist. They had to agree, he made a very handsome woman.

"Well?" said Scott in a soft voice. His hand immediately went up to his mouth as the voice that had came out was a lot higher than his own.

"Not bad," said Bobby, giving his expert opinion as always.

"It still looks like you," said Warren, "but you know, if you were a girl."

Hank gave Scott a mirror.

Scott looked at his reflection and quickly handed the mirror back.

"Right, well. We know it works, so Logan, you're next."

Although his voice had become slightly higher the command was still there.

Logan growled and didn't move.

"Now Logan, look at Scott. He's perfectly fine." said Hank walking towards him slowly.

"So far." grunted Logan.

"Well if you don't feel comfortable about it," said Hank now standing beside him, " I guess we only have one more option."

"And what's tha- AHHH!" said Logan as Hank plunged the syringe into his arm, "HANK!"

He moved off clutching his arm and then he stopped suddenly and held his stomach. It was a very different experience watching the transformation actually take place. His hair grew longer down to just above his shoulders, although it was still thick and black. His shoulders became less broad, but the muscle in his back was still defined. When it had finished he turned round to face them.

They Laughed.

"Logan," said Bobby through tears of laughter, "you are quite possibly the UGLIEST woman I've ever seen."

Logan grabbed the mirror and looked at himself.

"It's not _that _bad," he said, which brought a fresh round of laughter from the crowd when they realised, although definitely more feminine it tell held that rough tone, "aw that lot o' ya shut up."  
He went to cross his arms over his chest and found that it was proving to be a lot more difficult. They laughed again.

"The next idiot that laughs is gonna get one of these through their skull," he said popping a claw. They immediately stopped laughing.

"Right," said Hank preparing another shot, "Mr Lebeau."

They all turned to look at him. For the first time in his life, he had nothing to say. No comeback, no witty remark, nothing. All he felt was fear.

"uh…" he eventually managed, "I' not so hot on dis idea anymore." Remy's eyes flicked over to where the now female Logan was standing and then back to Hank, "M'not so sure I wanna find out what female me looks like anymore."

"Oh I'm sure you'll look lovely, now come here," said Hank, again trying to hide his smile.

Without his permission his feet began to move towards the doctor. He looked back at the others gathered there.

"Uh, Hank?"

"Yes?"

"Lets go behind de screen." said Remy quickly hiding behind one of the surgical screens.

"Never thought I'd see the day when Remy Lebeau was _shy_" said Warren sarcastically.

He was quickly hushed as everyone listened to what was happening behind the screen.

"Roll up your sleeve…right, now, if it helps, close your eyes."

"AH!!!"

"Remy I haven't put it in yet."

"Oh…right."

"Ok, now, try to relax…there."

"Dat wasn't so bad."

"No, so now we wait-"

"AHHH!"

The shouts slowly died away.

"Remy? Are you ok?" They heard Hank ask.

"Oui," said a soft Cajun, but clearly feminine voice, "I feel fine."

Remy appeared from behind the screen.

There was silence.

"Oh, it's bad isn't it. Is it worse dan Logan? Jus tell me, how bad is it?"

"wow," whispered Bobby.

Remy walked over and grabbed the mirror out of Logan's hand and looked at his reflection.

He grinned.

The person staring back at him had a perfect oval face with smooth skin, everything perfectly aligned. His lips where so pouty they could have Angelina Jolie's a run for their money, however when he smiled you could still see the crookedness. His auburn hair fell down to the small of his back his soft waves. He had a perfect hourglass figure and top it all off, very long legs.

"Well," said Hank eventually, "I think we can all agree that that worked very well."


	3. A Shopping Trip

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Author's Note: It's nice to see people enjoying the madness. For this one, I'm sorry. Thanks for the reviews!

"You're still walking like a guy!"

"That's cause I am a guy!"

Scott flopped down on the chair next to Logan crossed his arms, with difficulty. He then gave up and put his arms on his lap.

"This is as disaster," he said clasping his hands together, "we've got one day to be looking and acting like real woman and so far we're no where."

"That's not true, you got the whole looking like women thing down." Said Bobby who had not taken his eyes off the now female Remy who in turn had not stopped looking at himself in the mirror.

"When are we goin' t'get clothes?" he said turning round to look at himself from another angle.

"You can't get clothes until you can walk like a woman," said Warren wearily, "we can't have you going down to the shopping centre swaggering."

"Women swagger," said Logan pulling a cigar out of his pocket, "sometimes."

Warren walked over and took the cigar out of his hand, "if you have to smoke something make it cigarettes, woman don't smoke cigars."

"Since when did you become the expert on all things female?" asked Logan also attempting to cross his arms and failing.

"I know a lot about women," he said grinning, "I have known a lot of women."

"Let's get back to the point shall we," said Scott quickly cutting in before Logan could reply back, he sighed and stood up, "Lets try the walking thing again."

He started to take a few hesitant steps forward.

"Hips Scott. Move your hips."

He did so.

"No, no, no. Too much. More subtle. That's better, straighten your back chin up. There we are, that's much better."

"Right," said Scott who had finally made it across the room, "You're turn Logan."

Logan raised an eyebrow.

"Aint gonna happen. I'm gonna walk the way I always walk. No amount of coachin' is gonna change that."

"Fine," said Scott, "As long as me and Remy can do it, it should be fine. Remy?"

Remy finally pulled himself away from the mirror and smiled.

He walked across the room.

"That, that was, uh. That was perfect. Where did you learn to walk like that."

"_I've _known a lot of women." said Remy now examining his nails.

"Well then, I think it's time we went shopping then."

"It doesn't fit."

* * *

"Let me see."

"No, I'm not coming out, it just doesn't fit."

"Scott- I mean Sandra, just let me see."

Scott came out wearing the dress. It came down to just above his knee with a floral pattern on it. However the zip at the side did not go all the way up. Warren smiled and said, "I'm sure they have it in a bigger size."

"I don't want to wear a dress," said Scott angrily.

"Is everything alright?" asked the assistant coming into the changing rooms, "Oh that looks lovely on you. Would you like me to go and see if they have it in another size?"

"No. Thank you."

"Oh come now darling," said Warren grinning, "It looks lovely. We would love to try it in another size."

The attendant smiled and left. Scott stared at Warren.

"You're enjoying this."

"Oh yes. And no more arguing, remember who is paying for this."

"I sure as hell don't know who's paying for this but someone is." said Logan.

He was wearing a black Skirt suit with flat black shoes. It would be fair to say that it did nothing except enhance his 'butch' qualities. Pitor looked mildly shell-shocked behind him.

"Have you finished?" asked Warren looking at the many bags Pitor was carrying.

Pitor nodded quickly.

"Suits ya _Sandra_."

"Kiss my ass _Lorraine_."

"Wow, you must be really pissed off." Said Logan grinning, "can't blame you though. How do girls do it? I hate shopping. You've got to try everything on and it all comes in sets. Like if you buy that skirt you just have to get that top too. And then you got to go to the shoe shop to get the matching shoes. And don't get me started on the underwear-"

"Really. Don't." said Pitor with that same horrified expression.

"I mean. How was I supposed to know you're mean to keep your top on when they measure you-"

"Please stop Logan," said Warren quickly.

"Any sign of Rem- uh, Rochelle and Bobby?" asked Scott before Logan could continue anymore.

"The last we saw them they were heading for another shoe shop. Rochelle's uh, she's uh, really getting in to this. Isn't, she."

"Yeah. Well, it wasn't the week we had planned but I guess she's just going to make the most of it no matter what-"

"Hey guys." said Bobby.

Or at least it sounded like Bobby. They couldn't tell because he was obscured by a mountain of bags and boxes.

"Hey, where's Remy-Rochelle?"

"Just coming. He, uh, She got sidetracked by some jewellery." said Bobby putting down some of the bags and boxes.

"How much as she spent?!" said Warren standing up angrily.

"Oh don' worry Warren. I was jus' lookin'," said Remy walking into the changing rooms.

He was sporting a rather small black dress which accentuated all of his curves and 'assets', and a pair of strappy black high heeled sandals to much. The ensemble looked so good on him that the others had to remind themselves that it was actually Remy.

"I look good eh?" Remy said, grinning at their reaction and giving a twirl.

As he'd finished his twirl and Pitor had shut Bobby's mouth for him (clearly shopping all afternoon had not helped Bobby) the assistant returned with the bigger dress for Scott. She stopped and looked around at them all.

"Uh, I brought that dress for you." she said, passing it to Scott.

"Thank you," he said trying to mean it.

"Are you uh, all together?" she asked.

"Yes," said Warren, "we're all going to a party this evening."

"Oh, that's nice. You uh, don't get many couples that all, uh, shop, together."

"Oh we love shopping together," said Remy smiling at her and putting his arm through Bobby's.

"More opinions are better." said Bobby weakly.

"Well, uh, that's nice. If you need anything else, I'm just through there."

The assistant left quickly.

"I t'ink we scared her off." said Remy turning to the others.

"I'm not surprised, I'm rather unnerved myself." said a voice from behind one of the curtains.

The curtain pulled back.

"Oh dear, oh dear. What on earth are you all up to?" asked Emma Frost.


	4. An Explination and a Journey

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews! I hope you're still enjoying it.

"So," she said wiping the tears out of her eyes, no longer caring about her mascara, "because you were to scared to phone the other girls, the three of you are now women."

"Yes." said Scott, who was now going by the name Sandra.

"Permanently?" she asked feeling the giggles rising again and fighting to keep them down.

"No," said Lorraine quickly, "Just till the end of the mission."

"Right."

She looked at them all in turn. She laughed.

"Oh, that's really helpful Emma." said Logan crossing her arms.

"I'm sorry. It's just. It's ridiculous. You should have just called them."

"And ruin their week away?"

"Well what about his, well her now I guess, what about her week.." she said laughing and motioning to Remy who was smiling and grinning in return.

"Oh I didn't mind. I mean, what a way t'spend yer last week of freedom huh?"

"Indeed," said Emma looking over Remy's new physical appearance, she was interested to know she felt sort of jealous.

"Look, Emma," started warren deciding to take charge, "Not that we don't appreciate yer company but what are you doing here? Why aren't you with the other girls?"

"I wasn't invited."

Silence.

Some of them looked at the floor or became suddenly interested in other objects. Only Bobby and Remy looked at her, and only one of them had the intelligence not to ask the next question.

"Why?" asked Bobby at least sounding genuinely shocked.

"Kitty was organising it."

Bobby was about to ask yet another question when Remy nudged him in the ribs and said, "Well, Kitty took dem all t'London, so dat jus' goes t'show what terrible taste she's got."

Emma smiled back at him and wondered how the Cajun could still be just as charming as a woman. She was definitely having some conflicted thoughts.

She stood up and smoothed down her clothes saying, "Well then, when are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow, why?"

"I'm coming with you."

"What?!"

"I wouldn't miss this for the world. The three of you trying to pass for women. It's too good to miss."

"You're not coming," said Logan, "she's not coming."

"Having a real woman there would be better." Said Scott.

"What?!"

"Scott's right," said Remy, "It's give us more credibility."

Logan looked at all of them and sighed, "Fine."

"Good, that's settled," said Emma smiling again, "How are we getting there?"

"Train."

"Car."

"Bus."

The three of them looked at each other.

"Well uh," said Scott turning towards Emma, "We hadn't really thought about that yet. We were, sort of hung up on the whole, being a woman thing."

"I see," she said taking out her PDA, "Well, you can't all go together anyway, far too suspicious. We'll go separately. Scott, or, what are you going by now?"

"Sandra."

"Right, well Sandra, you go with you're Husband Warren by Car-"

"I object!" said Warren, "And who put you in charge?"

Scott turned round to him raising an eyebrow.

"You object?" he asked.

"Oh come on Scott. You think this is too weird-"

"Is there something wrong with me?"

"Scott, listen to yourself."

"You should be so lucky."

"Oh fine! Fine! I'll go with Scott."

Scott smiled and winked at Emma. That was worrying.

"Right," said Emma quickly looking away, "Logan-"

"Lorraine."

"Ok, Lorraine, you'll be going by bus with some of the other Mother's heading to this camp, with your son. Robert."

"Ha! Poor Robert," said Bobby laughing.

Everyone turned too look at him. The laughing quickly stopped.

"Oh wait, you mean," he started pointing to himself, "Oh no, no, no! I don't want to go with Miss Ugly USA! I wanna go with Remy!"

Remy let out a little laugh and messed up Bobby's hair, "poor Bobby."

"It's best this way. Logan looks like he's someone's mother, and you're the only one young enough looking to pull that off. Plus you can't go with Remy. He's out of your league."

"Look, I don't like this anymore than you kid." said Logan.

"Wanna bet," said Bobby crossing his arms and pouting, obviously getting into character.

"What bout me chere?" asked Remy.

"Drop the 'chere' Remy, make it 'cherie' or 'darling' or something . We're going by train, you're going with you're boyfriend Pitor, and me your best friend."

Remy looked up at Pitor and smiled again. Pitor smiled back, caught himself and said, "I better go pack."

"This is so unfair!" shouted Bobby.

"Deal with it Bobby," said Emma putting her PDA away and crossing over to Remy and linking arms with him, "Come on then. Let's get you packed."

"Okay Sugar."

* * *

"I can't believe the price of gas now." said Warren grudgingly handing over the money to the attendant.

"Nothing I can do about that sir." said the young man not paying much attention to him.

Warren followed his gaze out to where Scott was standing beside the car.

"Can I have my change please?"

"What?" said the attendant being shaken out of his dream, "Sorry sir. Good looking lady."

Warren rolled his eyes and walked out, slamming the door behind him for good measure.

"Get in the car," he said to Scott.

"What's the matter with you?"

"Just get in the car."

They drove in silence for a while. Until Scott said, "So are you just going to sit there in silence or are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong."

"Liar."

"I'm concentrating on the road."

"Oh yeah sure."

Warren sighed and said, "It's just taking some getting used to."

Scott smiled and said, "Why, am I that bad looking?"

"No, no it's not that," said Warren looking straight ahead, "It's the opposite. You're very convincing."

"I'm, convincing?"

"Yes, and don't you dare laugh because it's not funny. You're one of my best friends and seeing you like this, god, seeing Remy like this, it's just, it's weird ok, very, very weird. And I'm gonna need therapy for the rest of my life."

Silence.

"So you find me attractive?"

"Scott!"

"I'm sorry," said Scott trying to suppress the laughter, "It's not often I get to be on the other side of the winding up. Look, why don't I drive for a bit?"

"Fine." said Warren pulling over.

"And you can concentrate on relaxing."

"Fine." he said as They swapped.

"Think cold showers."

"Scott!"

"Sorry."

Warren fell asleep very quickly and didn't wake until he heard the sirens.

"Is, is that us they want to pull over?" asked Warren.

"Yes," said Scott, "Oh Shit!"

"What, it's probably nothing. You weren't over the speed limit were you?"

"No."

"So don't worry, just pull over. It's probably just a broken light or something."

"Warren?" said Scott anxiously.

"Yes?"

"My license says Scott Summers on it."

* * *

Bobby was in hell.

"Oh he's such a charming young boy." said the Woman sitting in front of him to Logan.

"I know," said Logan smiling and leaning over to the woman, "get's his good looks from his father. But he can be trouble sometimes."

Bobby tried to dodge but it was inevitable.

Logan pinched his cheek.

Logan was doing surprisingly well at passing as a suburban housewife. Too well, it was really freaking Bobby out. He just seemed to have a knack of talking to the other mothers. He already new them all by their first names and the names of all their children and he knew where all of them were from. He knew them all so well _he _was the one introducing the other mom's to each other. It was scary. And it was confusing.

"Mom?" said Bobby through gritted teeth.

"Yes dear?" said Logan turning to face him with a smile.

"I'm gonna go sit up back for a bit."

"Ok Bobby dear. You go make friends."

Bobby grimaced and quickly vacated his seat heading up to the back of the bus.

One of the seats were already taken by another boy around his age, or at least the age Logan was telling everyone he was which was five years younger than he actually was.

"Hey," said Bobby, "Mind if I join you?"

"Go ahead," said the boy not looking up from his comic.

He sat and pulled out the bag of Candy he'd gotten at the last place they had stopped at. The boy looked over at him and then back at the comic.

"You want one?" asked Bobby offering the bag of candy to the boy.

He smiled and said, "Sure. Thanks. Ah'm Jeb."

"Bobby."

"So what do you do?"

"What?"

"What's yer power?"

"Oh. Ice. I ice things. You?"

"Nothin' yet. But ma brother and sister are mutants so ah'm guessin' ah'll be one too." he actually sounded happy at the prospect, "Is that yer mama bein' the centre of attention?"

"Yeah," said Bobby with a great deal of disgust.

"Ah know how ya feel. Ma mama run's this place."

"Really?" said Bobby now giving the boy his full attention.

"Yup."

"And which one is she?"

"Oh she ain't on the bus. Ah was just hitchin' a ride back. Ah was up seein' ma sister."

"Right. So this camp. Is it fun?"

"It's alright. We don' have ta do much. It's mainly fer the mama's an papa's but every now an then we gotta go ta one of their stupid meeting's for 'family bonding'."

"I see. Maybe when we get there you could give me a tour then."

"Sure. No problem. As long as yer mama don' mind."

"Oh believe me. I want to get as far away from her as possible."

* * *

"…and den she said, 'Oh Remy, please tell me ya didn't steal it'"

The two of them laughed.

It had been a surprisingly good and uneventful journey so far apart from this late night 'sleepover session'. They had had dinner with Pitor in the Dinning Carriage but had quickly excused himself afterwards saying he needed to get some rest. Emma wasn't sure if it was because of his loyalty to Kitty he couldn't be in the same area as her nemesis Emma Frost. Or if it was because he was beginning to find Remy very, very attractive. It probably didn't help that before leaving for the train station Emma had given Remy some of her own fashion tips and clothes.

And so now the two of them were in Remy's sleeping berth drinking and telling stories.

"And had you?"

"No, of course not. Although, when de lady in de shop told me how much it was I almost regretted not." he said as he poured another cup of bourbon for himself and her, "So after I was able t'convince her I didn't steal it, she said 'well it sure as hell took ya long enough.' and den after dat t'ings seemed t'move pretty quickly."

"Probably think's you'll change your mind."

"Maybe. But I won't. She's a great girl, I wouldn't give her up fo' de world."

"It sounds like you are in Love Remy LeBeau."

"I do believe I am," he said raising his glass to her and taking a drink, "however, I'm not sure how much she would love me if she saw me like dis."

"I'm sure she would have conflicting thoughts." said Emma smiling.

"So, I t'ink I've spent long enough talkin' bout me. It's your turn che- I mean sugar."

She smiled and said, "What do you want to know?"

"Two words," he said holding up three fingers, "Sean. Cassidy."

The smile dropped off her face, "let's not go there Remy."

"Sometimes de best way t'get over it, is t'talk about it."

He wasn't going to give up.

She sighed and held out her cup, "Well if I'm going to get into this I'm going to need another drink."

He obligingly filled the cup with a rather generous amount.

"Sean Cassidy. He's just like the rest of them."

"Rest of who?"

"The other men I've dated."

"So ya did date him?"

"Well, if sometimes fooling around in the bedroom is dating, yeah we dated. But he was just another looser with a nice smile, a great body and commitment issues."

"I didn't t'ink girls like yo' wanted tsetse down?"

"I don't. But it's be nice once in a while I woke up to see him there lying next to me, instead of him buggering off. Well anyway, one time I woke up and he'd gone for good. I called him and all I got was the answering machine. Haven't heard from him since. And do you want to know the really stupid part? I knew. I knew all along that he was just going to run off. I knew that about all of them, but I stayed with them. Cause I'm an idiot."

"Yer not an idiot-"

"I am, if I had any brains I would stop dating guys like that. So that's exactly what I'm going to do. From now on. No more losers. In fact. I'm through with Love altogether."

"I'll drink t'dat"

"Says the girl, I mean guy, who's getting married."

"I'm jus' tryin' t'be supportive." he said smiling.

"Thanks," she said and looked at her cup, "You know, we should have probably have put some ice in this."

"I'll go get some." said Remy trying to stand up, "Wow, I t'ink de floor is movin."

"Of course it is," said Emma laughing, "We're on a train!"

Remy, laughing as well, tried to regain his balance, to no avail.

He fell over pulling the 'emergency stop' rope as he did.


	5. An Arrival and a Message

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Author's Notes: Hi, thanks for the reviews, it's nice to see people are still enjoying it. In case you hadn't guessed I'm sort of basing this story on three films I love. To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar, Priscilla Queen of the Desert and Some like it Hot. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

Bobby suddenly had a flashback to when his parents sent him off to Summer camp when he was younger. There was log cabins, actual log cabins. And he wasn't sharing with Logan, or rather, his mother, Lorraine, Which part of him was sort of glad about. Oh no, he was sharing with the rest of the kids. For once, he felt like the mature one. At least Jeb was still there, which was ok, since the Kid seemed to have his head screwed on the right way. The rest of them though. Well, they would have to be taken down a peg or two that was for sure.

The mothers were worse. Mothers and Fathers were in a separate part of the, and he could only think of it this way, the Summer Bonding Family Camp. The Fathers kept to themselves finding a quite spot to sit, or smoke or fish and generally stay out of the way. But the Mothers. They were running around everywhere, helping out, making lunches, giving children into trouble, organising team events, organising family events, talking, laughing, screeching. It was almost unbearable. But the worst part, the really, really bad part, was that Logan had been joining in. The sight was quite disturbing for young Bobby.

So he had decided it would be best for his sanity if he stayed out of the way and waited for the others.

Eventually he saw the car that Warren and Scott had taken drive up the dirt path, and he cursed them for having a much easier time than he had.

* * *

"Change."

"What?!"

"Change seats with me."

"There's not enough room. Plus he's already getting out of the car."

"Scott! CHANGE SEATS!"

"Fine!…my seat belt's stuck."

"WHAT?!"

"My SEAT BELT IS STUCK!"

There was a tap at the window. Scott and Warren jumped apart and turned to look at the police officer. Scott slowly began to roll down the window. He smiled.

"Is there a problem officer?"

"Can I see your license please ma'am."

"Of course officer," he said handing over his license.

The officer glanced at it and then stepped away from the car.

"I'm going to have to ask you to get out of the car ma'am."

"Ok sir."

"Don't be an idiot Scott," whispered Warren harshly.

"Well what am I supposed to do. Look whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be fine."

"Ma'am."

"Coming."

Scott got out of the car smoothing down the suit he had decided to wear as he felt more comfortable in it. The officer to him gently under the arm and moved her away from the car.

"I'm sorry officer, but what's wrong?"

"I've been following you down the road for a while now and I've noticed you have some

signal problems, if you would like to ask your husband to flick the indicator."

"Of course, Warren, can you flick the indicator."

"Yes."

The light didn't come on.

"Oh I see officer, well thank you for brining this to my attention, we'll stop at the nearest garage and get it seen to."

"You do that ma'am. And here's your license Mrs…Summers, is it?"

"Yes, uh-"

"Well now there's a thing, I can't quite make out what that says, now where did I put my glasses?"

"Um, officer, I don't mean to be rude but we should really get that signal problem seen to."

"Of course ma'am. You can-"

The car door opened and Warren got out and walked towards the officer and said,

"There's a perfectly reasonable explanation for all this."

"There is?" said the officer now becoming suspicious.

"Yes uh, well, you see-"

"It's alright darling, The officer has already kindly explained that we have to got o the

garage to get it sorted right officer?"

"Uh yes."

"So there's nothing to explain, right dear?"

"Uh yes."

"So we'll be on our way Officer."

"Of course, here's your license."

"Thank you."

"Drive safe now."

"We will."

"I think _I _better drive to the garage, _darling_." said Warren through gritted teeth as Scott got in the other side.

They drove for a couple of minutes in silence and then Scott said, "You know I was perfectly capable of handling that situation."

"Well it didn't look like it."

"I was doing fine, until you just had to barge in. You almost ruined everything."

"Well maybe you should have thought about what's on your license before deciding to drive."

"Oh so it's my fault?"

"I didn't say that."

"But you meant it."

Silence.

"Are you _crying_?!"

"No."

"You are, you're crying! Oh for goodness sake Scott!"

"Stop shouting at me! And it wasn't my fault!"

"This is ridiculous."

"Oh so now I'm ridiculous, thanks that'll make me feel better."

"I didn't say that darling I-…."

Warren shut his mouth tight. Another word was not escaping form his mouth because if it did then he would only descend further into this madness. Scott was looking at him, but he refused to look round at him.

"Darling-" said Scott eventually.

"Look I didn't mean it that way, it just came out, plus you're acting all weird, you're actually acting like we're married, and we're not, you're a guy, you, are, a, guy. You're very convincing as a woman, but you're a guy, and I guess I just got caught up in all the acting, and said it, ok. It's not like I meant anything else by it."

He looked over at Scott who was staring out the front window.

"I guess, what I'm trying to say is sorry," said Warren, smiling a little.

"And what I was trying to say was, you just missed our exit, darling."

* * *

Scott got out of the car and slammed the door behind him. Warren did the same. Scott continued to walk to Bobby as Warren shouted, "I'll get the bags then."

"Do whatever the hell you like," shouted Scott, he then turned to Bobby with a smile on his face and said, "Hello Bobby, how are you?"

"I'm, uh, fine, thanks," he said trying a smile but still altogether confused by the situation.

"Good, good," he said still smiling at Bobby.

He watched as Warren lifted Scott's bag out of the trunk and through it down on the ground, "There's yours!"

A look of thunder passed through Scott's face as he whipped round and stormed towards

Warren, "Oh that's really mature. Just throw my bags on the ground. Just like you toss away everything else."

"Don't start crying again."

"I'll do what I want!" said Scott picking up his bag and returning to where Bobby sat watching in horror as Scott did indeed begin to cry.

He felt a pair of hands land on his shoulders and a rough, but unmistakably female voice say, "What's happened?"

"Oh nothing out of the ordinary," said Scott before Bobby could answer Logan as well as taking a hanky out of his sleeve and dabbing underneath his ruby quartz glasses, "Just Warren acting like a complete Jerk!"

Warren stormed over with the rest of the bags saying, "I wasn't behaving like a Jerk, in fact I was apologising! Then you got all sarcastic with, ooh, I thought birds were supposed to be good at navigating!"

"Well they are," said Scott turning to face him, "And that was not an apology!"

"Why were you apologising in the first place?" said Logan to Warren, crossing his arms and using that tone that he had already used on Bobby a couple of times.

He expected Warren to roll his eyes and say this was all stupid and silly but instead he said, "You know I don't even know, she was the one that got us pulled over by the police. And made a complete mess of that. Then she made me miss the exit to the garage. Then she was flirting with the guy in the garage-"

"For the last time, I wasn't!" said Scott, the tears still streaming down his face.

"And then," continued Warren, "When we finally get back on the road, she blames me for getting lost. She was the one with the bloody map!"

"You said you knew where you were going!"

"Now stop it!" said Logan holding up both of his hands to the two of them, "There is no use arguing about it. It's been a stressful journey for you both. Now lets just take a moment to calm down and count to ten. Let's forget the whole journey and start with a clean slate. How does that sound."

Bobby watched as Scott and Warren looked at each other and nodded. He then watched as Warren smiled and opened his arms and Scott run into them and hugged him.

"ARE YOU ALL CRAZY?!" shouted Bobby.

The three others looked at him confused. He was about to continue when he heard another car coming down the dirt road. He spotted the person in the driver's seat and said, "Finally! Some sanity!"

* * *

He had slept through the whole night, even through an emergency stop apparently. He felt much better this morning. Ready to face a new day, a new morning, a new Remy.

He sat in his berth eating some breakfast he had bought from the nice lady that had passed by and continued to work on his drawing. He wasn't sure what it was. Sometimes he just liked to see what would happed if he just let his pencil go wild and draw whatever it liked and then he would make it into something else. He had drawn some beautiful pictures of Kitty using this method. But so far, he wasn't quite sure what it was.

The door opened and Emma Frost came in and sat down. She tried to smile at him gave up and put her head in her hands groaning, "that's the last time I drink with Remy."

"Vhere is he?" asked Pitor, hopefully nonchalantly.

"Still asleep. I tried waking him up." she said looking up at him, she noticed the expression on his face and said, "I can leave, if you want?"

"No," he said quickly and then smiled, "stay."

"As long as I don't tell Kitty?" she said jokingly.

"Probably a good idea."

She smiled and sat back in the chair and looked out the window for a bit. He gave up on his other drawing and leafed over to a new sheet. She looked very peaceful looking out of the window at the passing trees. He began to draw an outline, the hair, the forehead, the nose, the mouth, chin and neck. He then began to add in the detail in and around. He worked quickly knowing that in any minute she might move. He was just putting in the finishing touches when she turned round and caught him.

"Now, you wouldn't be doing anything stupid like trying to draw me, would you Pitor?" she said, but she was smiling.

He turned round the pad to show her. The smile left her face and she took the pad out of his hands. She sat there studying it for a while.

"You, you do not like it?" he asked.

"No. I mean yes, yes I like it, it's just…doesn't look like me." she said turning the page.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"No, don't be. It's beautiful." she looked down at the next page. At first she was confused and then she began to laugh, "Oh Pitor, this is brilliant!"

She turned it around to show the wild patterns he had had been doing before she came in.

"It is?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

"Of course it is."

"Do you know what it is?" He said thinking maybe she could help him out.

"Of course I do, It's Remy!"

He took the pad off her and looked at the drawing. Suddenly, he saw Remy staring right back at him.

"Oh no," he said dropping the pad and putting his head in his hands. Emma laid a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"He's getting to you?" she said simply.

"In the worst possible way."

"Don't worry it'll be over soon."

The door opened again and Remy stumbled in and sat right next to Pitor. He had managed to dress himself this morning which was an improvement, however, what didn't help Pitor was that he was wearing some of Emma's clothes.

"Are we dere yet?

"Not for another hour." said Pitor still staring at Remy who had now noticed the pad on the floor and was picking it up, "Don't look at that!"

"Why?" said Remy not really waiting for an answer and opening the pad, "Oh look. Lot's of pictures of Kitty!"

Remy looked over at the big Russian and rolled his eyes, "Come on Pitor, it's not exactly a secret, we all know. She knows. It's about time de two of ya got together-what's dis?"

He had finally reached the one drawing that Pitor didn't want him to see. There was no way he could snatch it off him now without arousing suspicion. He watched as the Cajun studied the picture and held it up different ways. He then looked at Pitor with a raised eyebrow repeating, "What's dis?"

"I vas just-"

"I mean it looks like ya let a three year old play wit yer pad an pencil."

"That's, that's exactly vhat I did."

"Oh," said Remy smiling again and handing the pad back, "dat's good, I t'ough for a minute dere ya were becoming like of dose ridiculous modern artists. Stick wit real life, yer brilliant at it."

"Thanks," said Pitor smiling now that the pad was out of danger.

However, he was not as Remy leaned in a gave him a kiss on the cheek and said, "I'm going t'go get some breakfast. Ya wan some?"

"N-No, I'm fine," he said completely shocked.

"Ok, Ems?"

"I'm good thanks." she said trying to hide her smile.

Remy smiled again and swept out of the room. Pitor raised his hand to his cheek.

"So he's getting to you?"

"Just a Little."

* * *

The car skidded to a halt in front of the three others and Remy jumped out of the car.

"Ta-dah!" he said shutting the door being him, "What d'ya t'ink?"

"Where did you hire that?" asked Bobby running his hand over the sleek shiny sports car.

"Hire? Who said I hired it?"

"You _Stole _it?!" said Scott breaking away from Warren's arms to stand with his hands on his hips.

"Nope." Said Remy still grinning.

"He borrowed it," said Emma getting out of the other side and then pulling back the seat so that a rather stuck Pitor could get out, "When we got to the train station there was no taxi's. However there was a guy with this car."

"And so," said Remy putting on his dramatic voice, "Little ol' helpless me went up to him and said, 'Why sir, ya wouldn't know how ta get t'a little Summer camp near by would ya?' and he said, 'I surely do ma'am, I could rive ya there if ya like.' And I said, 'Oh, I don' wanna be any trouble sir, it's just my friends need a ride too.'"

"So you charmed him then?" said Scott disapprovingly as Remy walked over to Warren.

"In a manner of speaking, but I aint done yet," said Remy, he then clasped his hands and put them on Warren's shoulder and resting his chin on them, "Then he said, 'Well I'll tell you what Ma'am, you and your friends can borrow my car if you don't mind me calling on you sometime.' and I said, 'Why sir, that so Kind of you, I've always depended on the kindness of strangers' apparently de reference went over his head but he gave me de keys and now here we are."

Scott stormed over to where Warren was now openly staring at Remy and pulled him away, "Well that's very nice Remy, we're glad you got here."

"Yeah," said Warren still looking at Remy until Scott nudged him in the ribs.

Throughout this Bobby had been sidestepping over to where Pitor and Emma stood, he turned to Pitor and said, "They're all going crazy, they actually think, I mean, they, they don't realise they're guys anymore. And, I don't know, somehow it's affecting Warren as well."

"Hmm, What?" said Pitor who had been staring at Remy as well.

"Oh not you too!"

"What?"

Emma decided to save the young man anymore suffering and said to Pitor, "Why don't you go get our bags and take them to the log cabin. I'm sure Logan-Lorraine, knows which one."

"Of course." he said as he moved over to the car to unload the trunk.

Emma beckoned to Bobby to come closer, "You've noticed too then?"

"Noticed?! They're all crazy!"

"Hank said there would be side effects. Or perhaps it's all part of it. They don't seem to have forgotten their objective, only that they are no longer…themselves."

"But Warren, and Pitor-"

"Part of the side effects I'm guessing. It will affect them too."

"So why not me?"

"Maybe it will affect you, maybe it's just not happened yet. Or maybe you're immune."

"Let's hope it's the latter. So what do we do?"

"Just ride it out. Hank will get them back to normal when we get back. But in the meantime we have a mission."

They watched as Remy ran over to Pitor and linked arms with him, and Warren put an arm around Scott, and then they saw Logan watching them. He smiled and waved at Bobby, how grimaced and waved back.

"Thank goodness it's only a week." he said.

"Thank goodness the girls aren't here." said Emma.

* * *

RING

RING

RING

RING

RING

BEEP

"You have reached the Xavier Institute for Gifted Children, I am Professor Charles Xavier, Headmaster. I am afraid there is no one here to take your call but please leave a name and number and we will try to get back to you as soon as possible."

BEEP

"Hi Rem, ah was jus callin' ta see how ya are. Hope yer enjoyin' yer week an all that. Ah'm havin' a great tahme here in London. Oh ah know ah'm not supposed ta be callin' ya, but ah miss ya. Jean's still huge, ah think she's gonna burst, ah keep sayin' ta kitty we better stay near a hospital. But Kitty won't listen, she's determined that we're gonna visit everything there is ta see in London. Betsy refuses ta go along with it though and so Kitty plans what we do during the day and Betsy plans the evening. Hey where are ya? It's during the day! Ya'll are probably still sleeping cause yer havin so much fun at night. Ya'll don't have too much fun now. Remember ya still gotta marry me…really missin' ya Rem, ah think ah'll go convince the girls to come home a bit early-"

BEEP.


End file.
